Heavy Days… The tragedy of Feb 2011

Fri 28 Jan Night  - Dreamed of death, dreamed i cut off my brothers dog’s head (it was already dead),  dreamed of of a car crash and a fire , dreamed of being robbed and shot at, a lot of violence also a confusion of colors .  The dream lasted all night.

Sat 29 Jan  ,Morning – I wake up ,  I tell Can(dice my GF) “I had bad dreams again”, she asks “what did you dream” I said “bad things, lots of bad things”, no way I’m telling her what i dreamed she will think I’m nuts! Carried on feeling worse as the day progressed . Then i realized why the feeling was so familiar I had experienced something like it once before. So i said “Can, there is death in the air, someone is going to die, maybe Jake” (bro with the dog) , She explained to me in her usual compassionate patient manner “K you are crazy, it’s just dreams they cant hurt you stop smoking weed!”, “So why do they?” I replied (also said something about weed inhibiting dreams). Every-time the phone rang that day i froze up, i was sure it would be bad news . No bad news came that day…

Sun 30 Jan – Woke up, didn’t dream much the night before (got pissed) still felt like there was impending doom hovering over me . The GF was out, i was alone . Kept checking my cell the whole day , no important messages (and not one fucking phone call looser!).Ah well no news is good news . Got stoned decided to take my puppy for a walk. Got back about 15 mins later feeling a lot better (not so depressed and the anxiety seemed to improve) – looked at my phone , one SMS while i was gone , automatically my heart went cold. Now this is where shit gets weird , I swear on my fucking Gibson that this is 100% true – SMS was from my mom telling me my bro has just been taken  to hospital by ambulance, his heart is fucking out. He was hung over and took all these Chinese energy tablets and overdosed on caffeine (i though it was probably coke or pills but he went shopping with my mom that morning so i know it couldn’t have been plus he would’ve told me, we are close friends). He was back home and fine in about 2 hours.

Because of my dream i thought he was really going to die it freaked me out .

Mon 31 Feb -Whole day at work I’m feeling edgy and burned out from the stress of the day before , still have the gloom and doom feeling , but i tell myself I’m being nuts . Sleep 2 hours this night , cant sleep from anxiety, I had a BAD feeling .

Tues 1 Feb – Crawl out of bed fucked , load up on caffeine and go to work. Really depressed now , break my diet and get pizza, get home and complain to my girlfriend how shit I feel . She says she’s tired of hearing it , i should suck it up and go to bed . crashed dreamlessly the whole night .

Wens 2 Feb- get to work feeling shit again , but I’m used to it now so its cool . My cell rings at about 08-45 ,its my cousin Lloyd, (me my bro my cousin and about 5 other friends have been life long buddies forever) , I hear he is crying , he says “Sho Chiles, did you hear the news?” -”fuck..” I thought to myself, I ask him “no, what news?” now this is family calling so I’m thinking its family who’s died .

Then the bomb drops …

“Andy Died, bro…”

One of my best fucking mates, my drummer, the fucking most gentle and underprivileged soul, the guy who stole drums from the church so we could start our band-FUCKING ANDY- was burned alive on Mon night in a fucking tree house in the middle of fucking Scotland .

Drop work, meet up with the boys ( about ten grown up tattoo’ed gents, all of us bawling) get fucking solemnly, bitterly wasted (as only mourning Irish & Scots blooded men drowning their sorrows with the vengeance of an old testament god, can) for 2 days on bongs, anti-depressants and cheap scotch.

Thurs 3 Feb (night) – get home , still gutted, fucked ,really fucked, eat ,quick fuck, pass out . Wake up suddenly sometime in the middle of the night , first thing that pops into my head “Andy!!” i shouted out half asleep, wake up properly. Need to piss . Get up, piss , get back into bed . Eyes open , realization . “what the fucking fuck is the green light moving around my fucking room?!!” gather courage , get up peep around corner . Still there ,green light the size of the end of a smoke dragging around the wall flashing on and off. Stare for 20 mins , realize its a fire fly , but I haven’t seen one since I was 5 in the veld on holiday with my family, never mind in the biggest city in Africa !Never even knew it was possible where i was living , Ive lived here for 20 years! Freaked me the fuck out, in the back of my head I’m thinking “fire fly, message from Andy?” but I think “naah Andy would probably send a fucking flaming bat or like, sting my boss in the face with a wasp” (Andy was METAL! He was cool) .

2 days of antidepressants and booze do their work, pass out in about 5 and a half seconds later.

100% true . No reason to lie, feeling brain damaged from last week . Heavy days . . .

So comment call me a retard or a liar. I dont care . . .

 

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Hello world!

im just writing crazy bullshit , no one read this!

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